An Excellent Wife

"An excellent wife, who can find?"  ~Proverbs 31:10


King Lemuel asks a question for the ages. It has been considered by wise men of every generation. Perhaps the words are simply a poetic lamentation: "A good wife is hard to find." While that simple reading can certainly prove true, I think there is more to the wise king's question. Consider the ways in which we might understand the question and its answers!

What are the qualities which make an excellent wife? A summary of the king's description in verses 11-28 makes a fairly exhaustive list: She should be trustworthy, productive, benevolent, hard-working, diligent, generous, wise, and strong. She should also be able to make decisions, be able to manage provisions for her household including food and clothing, and be prepared for future needs of her family. Additionally, she must bring honor to her husband, be wise in her speaking, and able to teach in kindness... and the list goes on. Perhaps some readers (ladies, in particular?) are beginning to question whether anyone could ever live up to King Lemuel's standard!

There are two possible reactions to the Proverbs 31 list. One reaction is to denounce the list itself: The standard is useless if no one can ever measure up to it. The other reaction is to ask the question: "If no one can live up to it, then what purpose does the standard serve?" That is an important thought- and I believe the answer to that question indicates a foreshadowing of the gospel here in Proverbs 31. Lemuel's reckoning of the excellent wife functions in a similar way to that of the Law: it exists to show that no one can keep it! I'm not arguing that Lemuel's list and the Law are essentially the same. Rather, that Lemuel's list drives a woman to grace similarly to the way the Law drives sinners to a savior. Certainly, we know that no one other than Christ has kept the Law perfectly. And while it may be possible for a woman to fulfill Lemuel's qualifications, it would be very hard for her to do in her strength alone. So the woman who reads these words is forced to consider her own shortcomings and to depend upon grace, just as a sinner reads the law and sees his need for grace and mercy. So the standard serves two purposes: to provide the lofty goals that every wife should strive for, and to be the reminder that excellence as a wife only comes as a gift from God - by His grace!

Notice the way King Lemuel concludes his description of the wife of noble character: "a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."  For Lemuel, the issues are bound up together: fearing and following God is the way of wife will have success in these things. Interestingly, even if she does all these other wonderful things Lemuel listed, but doesn't fear the Lord, she isn't praiseworthy. If she doesn't do all these things perfectly, but does fear the Lord she is praiseworthy still!  The excellent wife isn't a woman who has accomplished all these things, and who is out there waiting to be found. She's not a woman who is plucking away at an abstract standard in her own strength. She is a woman who fully embraces her dependency on God. And it is her God who makes her an excellent wife. Day by day, moment by moment, challenge by challenge.

I know many women who are striving to be godly wives, and I am overwhelmed by their example. I also know many young women who are diligently preparing for the time they will become a wife. To all these sisters, I offer my humble thanks and appreciation for what you are trying to do! Be encouraged! Remember that it is your walk with God that makes you praiseworthy and empowers you to successfully grow in becoming "the wife of noble character." God's grace will give you strength in the difficulties and will cover your shortcomings when you fail. And don't forget your value in God's eyes: as Lemuel says, "her worth is far beyond jewels!"


Today marks 10 years since my bride and I embarked on the journey of becoming a godly husband and wife. I am so grateful that God provided her for me. I honestly believe she is much more accomplished in becoming an excellent wife than I will ever be in becoming an excellent husband. I'm sure there are many ways she would say she doesn't live up to Lemuel's list. But all I see is a beautiful, godly woman who I could never deserve. But there we go again: it's a grace thing. At any rate, today I say with Lemuel, "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all." Congratulations on 10 years, Nell. I love you.

Raising a Superbly Critical Student

“Today’s teenagers are just too critical!!”

     Oh, how I wish that were true. The truth is, while many students are vocally cynical about certain things, they are far less critical than they ought to be. Students need to be trained to be critical. Specifically, they need to learn the art of examining and evaluating the things they come in contact with in life. By “things” I mean anything and everything: music, books, movies, and internet sites. Even teachers, mentors, and other students should not escape scrutiny. Before you object to instructing students to be critical of their teachers and other leaders, think about what being critical really means.

     I am not advocating that students should naturally distrust everything. That isn’t healthy either. What I am advocating is that students should begin at a place of honest intellectual neutrality when taking something in, proceeding carefully, evaluating as they go. That isn’t what most students do when they listen to music, watch a movie, or read a book. Typically, they will instead rate and rank a given experience by how much they like it. That is a very natural thing to do, but we need to teach students to move beyond the initial appeal of something and to think critically about it.

     It may be time for an example. Let’s say that Jane is hanging out with Sue. Sue slips a CD into the car stereo and some band, say Metalbrains, begins to fervently destroy the speakers of the car. Jane says “Wow, that’s really cool – I like it!” But what does Jane mean by that? Maybe she is responding to Sue’s obvious enjoyment of the music. Maybe she likes the thundering drums or the screaming, ear-piercing guitar solo. Regardless, what she is saying is that something about this experience appeals to her. What she has not said is, “Gee, I really agree with the anarchist views of the singer,” or “this music really inspires me to do (fill in the blank).” There has been no criticism of the musical experience at all. Sadly, this is the level of thinking at which many students make up their minds about something. Jane is sold; she buys the CD and becomes a life-long follower of the band.

     What we need to teach students to do is to move past initial appeal and deal critically with the substance of the item at hand. This is hard work for both the student and the parent. But the hard work pays off in the end- with a student who is able to evaluate something based on its content rather than its appeal. Why is it so difficult? Because there are so many levels on which to evaluate, and so many angles to consider when being critical. If we continue with the music example, Jane might begin with the lyrics. What is the message of the vocalist in the song? She can’t stop there, though- she has much more to consider. What about the music of the piece? I’m not one to classify all driving, forceful music as categorically wicked, but if the music inspires Jane to go into a rage, it really doesn’t matter if the lyrics are “Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya.” Additionally, Jane needs to do some homework on the artist. Is this band made up of people she can support with her money (or her parents' money) - with a clean conscious? Does the group support or sing about things (even on other CDs or songs) that are problematic?

     As you can see, Jane has her work cut out for her in making a decision about listening to a particular band. And the same applies to books, movies, internet sites… the list could go on and on. This type of evaluation should even apply to her relationships. “What do these friends encourage me to do?” “What kind of example are they?” “How do we spend our time together?” These are the important questions- far more important than “how do my friends make me feel?!”

     Books are another place we can teach Jane to be critical. Even within a particular genre, there are things to carefully consider. Let’s consider fiction. Again, I’m not one to say all fiction is bad; certainly one should consider how much fiction is read in comparison to other genres. If Jane is into the mythical-type fiction books, she might pick up Voyage of the Dawn Treader. As she reads, she needs to move past the initial “I like it- there’s a cute little talking mouse!” She would need to ask hard questions about the message of the story, the motives of the author, and the like. She might just as easily pick up a copy of the latest Twilight installment. I would suggest that asking good, critical questions of the two aforementioned books would yield startlingly different results!

     This approach is the hard-work way. What are the easy ways? Well, allowing our students to become (or remain) unchecked consumers of anything and everything the world throws at them is one  easy way. Another is to take the road of modernized monasticism: insulating and sheltering young people from all the world has to offer. But this is counter-productive. Certainly, as parents, we have to give an account for what we allow and disallow; the responsibility for what our children are exposed to lies with no one else. But there is greater value in training the child for righteousness. Take the time to  move past the realm of lecture (though there is a time for that!) and into a teaching wisdom moment. That doesn't make you soft or a pushover. you still have complete authority over whether Jane listens to the CD or not. The difference is moving from "you are never to listen to that garbage again!" to  "Jane, let's talk about Metalbrains... what do you think of them? Why? How does listening to them match up with this scripture verse?" Teaching Jane the difference between something that appeals to her and something that is beneficial to her is the key.

     Imagine the results of raising a generation of superbly critical Christians. Oh how the sway of the “stuff of earth” might be reduced in their lives! After all, what we’re really talking about here is training them to be discerning. The Scripture speaks on the value of a discerning spirit. It is what God used in Joseph to bring him before Pharaoh (Genesis 41:33, 39); it was the quality that was sought out in the youth of Israel when Daniel was found (Daniel 1:4). But Proverbs might be the best inspiration for us to train up radical discerners. Consider what Proverbs 2 promises to the son of discernment:

     “My son… if you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding; If you seek her as silver and search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will discern the fear of the LORD And discover the knowledge of God… Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity and every good course. For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; Discretion will guard you, understanding will watch over you, to deliver you from the way of evil.”

Bad Storm, Good God

Here in South Louisiana, we're just beginning to recover from the effects of Hurricane Isaac. Though the storm was only a category 1 hurricane at its strongest point, it was surprisingly devastating. The greatest threats from Isaac were storm surge and rainfall, things the Saffir-Simpson scale doesn't necessarily do a good job of reflecting. In my area, rainfall and flooding were the biggest problems, coupled with the obligatory and ever-annoying power outages. Seeing a street lamp illuminate the neighborhood entrance, while every house on the street remains dark, is a frustrating thing indeed.

My patience was sorely tried on the last afternoon we were without power. I had been driving around, checking on some church members who were close to getting water in their homes. I knew of some others who were desperately sandbagging their homes and moving their furniture in an attempt to beat the water that was being forecast to rise another few days. On this particular afternoon, I needed to get my wife and kids settled in for the evening and refuel the generator so that it would continue running for them while I was out in town.  I opened the fuel tank and started adding gasoline. At that instant, the sky opened -without so much as a drop of warning- and a torrential rain began to pour down. It was all I could do to hold my torso over the top of the generator while I poured the gasoline, trying to keep the rainwater from going into the fuel tank. I know men who would have cursed aloud.

Though I didn't speak, my heart cursed inside- I was so very angry. Sometimes, you just feel like you deserve better... "Here I am, trying to take care of my wife and children for the afternoon, so I can check on a few other families that are in need." "Here we are, in the aftermath of a hurricane, with water rising all around, and its raining... again?!" "You are aware that the Midwest is in a terrible drought?! Why send the rain here?!" And then I stopped. It had become abundantly clear who I was angry with. In that quiet moment in my garage, with rain-drenched clothes and gasoline-fouled hands, I remembered my place. I half expected to hear the words of God to Job: "Gird yourself, and answer me like a man!" Instead, God reminded me of several reasons that I can always trust His goodness.

First, God is good. English actually gets its word "good" from the same root as the word "God." There's something to be said for that relationship. Christians talk about God's goodness a lot. Radio stations use His goodness as a tagline:" "God is good, all the time." Bumper stickers convert minivan real estate into billboards of God's goodness. I fear the world finds this all a bit trite. The statements are true, but hopelessly oversimplified. God doesn't simply declare certain things to be good. Good is not something that God has, and it is not merely something that He does. Yes, God is good- but reconsider that statement. We are not affirming that God measures up to our standard of what goodness is- just the opposite! His very essence is the standard by which we ought to measure all other things, to see if they are good. (Psalm 34:8: "O taste and see that the Lord is good."; Mark 10:18: "And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.")

Second, God graciously made and gives good things. Consider the creation narrative in Genesis 1.Scripture tells us that God created the world and everything in it. After each stage of creation, God observed the fruit of His own work and pronounced it good. And this was no man-made measure of goodness. With God Himself as the standard, He pronounced all creation good- it was without blemish and knew no hardship or grievous thing. When people ask, "What kind of God would bring a Hurricane?", or "Why would He allow such wickedness?", we would do well to remind them that God made a world that knew no hurricanes. No suffering, disease, or death. It was our action that brought sin and its terrible, dreadful consequences into the world. Let's not blame God for what our failures wrought. Additionally, God is the giver of good things - even in a sin-corrupted world. Despite the awful state of things in the world, good things do come. We experience life, beauty, we give and receive love, we have provisions to nurture and shelter us. Scripture reminds us that nothing good comes in this wicked world unless God gives it. Jesus made the comparison of an earthly father giving good things to his son. If a fallen man does this much, how much greater is the goodness of God?
(Genesis 1:1-31; Matthew 7:9-11; James 1:17)

Third, God's mercy is evidence of His goodness. God's mercy is evident in every tragedy. While this might seem an insensitive thing to say, it is absolutely true. Even the worst disaster we can imagine, be it man-made or natural, is not as bad as it might have been. In the storm, not all is washed away, not all is lost. In the Tsunami, not all are swept to sea. In battle, not everyone is killed. Until the last days, we can say with great certainty that "it could have been a lot worse." The difficult part of embracing this truth is admitting that "a lot worse" is exactly what we deserve! It seldom occurs to us that since God is Holy and hates what is wicked, He would be perfectly justified in wiping the human race out completely. Scripture tells us that the consequence of sin is death, and that everyone has sinned. When Jesus was approached with news of various tragedies, His response was to point people to this truth. The fact that God allows anyone to live, despite their sin, is an indescribable demonstration of His goodness. 
(Psalm 119:77; Luke 13:1-5; Hebrews 4:16)

So my anger was typical of two great sins we often commit in regard to God's goodness. The first is that we blame Him when it all goes wrong, while He is not at fault. The second is that we do not praise Him as we ought when anything in this broken and sin-sick world goes right. One is not better than the other. So praise God for every good thing that happens, knowing that He is the source of all good things. And when difficulty comes,  remember that His mercy is on display all the more. He is sovereign, and always does what is best for His glory. He sees the end from the beginning, while we have a terribly small perspective. Believers also have the added hope of knowing that He will one day restore a new heaven and a new earth, fashioned as He intended. In that place, all doubts about His goodness will come to an end. My resolve is to let the difficulties of this present life remind me of all the goodness I will experience in the life that is still to come!

Blessings,

~JL